In the gym straight BEAST MODE

I love going to the gym now that my baby bump is more visible.  You know why?  Because no matter how lame my workouts are now that I am pregnant, I still make the most muscular men look like a bunch of weak b*tches.  I can look over at the guy who wishes he was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, that is clearly squatting over 400lbs and know without a doubt my workout is intimidating him.  Yeah, I might only be doing squats with two 12lbs weights but I’m also helping turn squishy cartilage into strong bones for my babies.  So you LOSE sir and I WIN!  And yes, I see you too, Ms. Malibu Barbie with the high fake boobs and the tan 8-pack abs.  Well guess what, I have a 14-pack.  I still have two abs that are visible in the right light plus my two sons growing in my stomach are ripped with their own 6-packs.  So ma’am you can have several seats because again, you LOSE and I WIN!!!  The fact that I can run 2 miles on a treadmill at a 6.5 speed without peeing on myself makes me a freakin’ AMERICAN GLADIATOR!   So old lady who has been sprinting for the past hour on a 5% incline with a fanny pack on, go somewhere and eat an Activia!  Because, you guessed it, you LOSE and I WIN!  But hey, people at gym, please don’t get too bad of a self-esteem when you see my jiggling belly walk past you to go get 10 lbs weights to do some bicep curls, while also developing the lunges of two fetuses.  We can’t all win at life or working out.  One day you too can have 20% body fat and still be the strongest person in the weight room.

Now would one of you lovely muscular people like to help me to my car because I can not feel my legs…



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